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Research Analysts Work Up a Sweat

"Nothing but losses with no possibility of profit in sight for at least 55 years"
Top Analysts Rate vbAccelerator.com an Internet Top Pick

At vbAccelerator's fourth quarter earnings release meeting, analysts had every right to be excited. Announcing nothing but bad financial news and the chance of a total loss of all investment which had ever been made in the company or probably ever would be, vbAccelerator's CEO (and coincidentally also its CFO, sole share holder, owner, programmer, support person, webmaster, sales and marketing manager, general dogsbody and doorman) Steve Plank painted perhaps the picture of the ultimate Internet start-up.

"Look at our figures and see how they compare," the pitiful figure said. "I think you can see that we have the type of Internet business which attracts several digit sums. Such as 1+1+1+1 for example.".

The plucky executive/doorman continued with his analysis of how the company was going. "Well, it looked like we were losing money when we were at our last web host, but that is absolutely nothing compared to the charges being levied at the new host. That fact, in combination with my prediliction for buying sexy looking laptop, erm, computers which go out of date about two weeks before one buys them absolutely guarantees we will loose money hand over fist in the next year."

As applause died down at the meeting, Steve outlined his future strategy.

"Having so far put $5.03, two EUROs, a pack of slightly used chewing gum and a mountain bike (low quality) behind this investment I have no doubt that an initial market capitalisation of around $3 billion is in order."

Unfortunately, owning to a misunderstanding of the meaning of the phrase "the red-hot pace of the Internet" the vbAccelerator IPO has been substantially delayed. However, once the bills are paid off and the evidence destroyed there is no reason why the excitement might not mount again (although admittedly it was that very act which caused all the problems in the first place).






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Copyright © 1999, Steve McMahon ( steve@vbaccelerator.com). All Rights Reserved.
Last updated: 30 December 1999