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Computer programming, although quite expensive, has been independently proved to be the world's best devised method for generating yet more useless, cryptic and often redundant acronymns.

In official tests computer programmers generated more acronyms per second than a deranged monkey on speed with three typewriters, and that was despite the fact that they also generated a useless by-product, known as "code".

So its a struggle to keep up!

Luckily this glossary of shortened forms and terms is here to help, so there is no need to become confused.
  • 101
    A reference to George Orwell's famous novel 1984. 101 describes a room in which the scenario you most fear is enacted in, and you would rather do anything, including killing yourself, than spend any time there. For this reason, it is also used by plucky Americans as the title of courses and articles for beginners.
  • ADO
    An invented acronym, really meaning DAO. This imaginary technology was invented partially to ensure that VBPJ would have something to write about for 2 years and otherwise to allow writers to create amusing headlines for their articles such as "Much ADO about nothing" and "Careful, there may be some rADOn in your code". Watch it, you may hurt yourself laughing.
  • Bug
    A misunderstanding on the part of the user as to the desired intention of a piece of software.
  • DAO
    Same as ADO, except misspelt. Less popular than ADO even though it allowed for many years of trivial articles because it proved almost impossible to construct "humorous" headlines.
  • HTTP
    A cunning way of adding 5,000 bytes of network traffic for every 1,000 bytes you send or receive.
  • Label43
    Time to start again on that form I think.
  • MFC
    Incredibly hard to use version of VB with slightly smaller run-time DLL. Easy to crash with minor coding errors, unlike VB, which crashes regardless of whether you write any code or not.
  • MVP
    A Juicy Red Apple is Nice: but not Every Apple is Red.
  • MSMQ
    A released piece of software with the distinction of offering you the fun opportunity to act as an alpha tester on the most mission-critical piece of code you've ever had to write.
  • ODBC
    An old-fashioned and hopeless way to access data on a database, unless you "Let ADO take the strain" and call ODBC through an ADO data source provider you write yourself, taking several lifetimes to get to the stage of not working.
  • ODBCDirect
    The same as the phrase "ODBC Indirect" except using the word "Direct" for humorous or malicious effect when the word "Indirect" should be used.
  • OLE Control
    The full name is actually "No Aspect of OLE Can Be Usefully Controlled from VB using this Control" but space restrictions in the control name meant certain words had to be omitted.
  • Optimised
    Removed the variable name from after all the Next statements and checked the "Compile for Fast Code" option.
  • Release Build
    At fucking last! It compiles!
  • Unlimited Bandwidth
    When used by a Web Hoster, the word Unlimited has a very special sense. It means "Without limit unless you go above a very strict limit which you are certain to exceed, and then strictly limited to below that limit." In fact the word "Unlimited" bears a curiously strong resemblance to the English word "Limited".
  • VB
    Non-serious programming language. Normally requires only one monkey to complete coding for any project of any complexity.
  • vbAccelerator
    Pathetic web-based cookery book, but at least the site's author doesn't have a moustache.
  • VBPJ
    A type of publication whose work is a vain struggle against the impossibility of producing exciting cover artwork. Such publications may contain useful information but the cover of a man holding a spanner over a VB form makes it hard to read in any public place without embarassment.



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Copyright 1998-1999, Steve McMahon ( steve@vbaccelerator.com). All Rights Reserved.
Last updated: 15 May 1999